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What Happens When A Loan Officier Dies?

admin — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 12:31:58 +0000

The following joke was taking from a popular small business loan provider – FastUpFront. It was originally feature on the fastupfront Blog several years ago and thought it was worth reporting it here maybe get some new attention on a great joke! You might want to visit the fastupfront blog (specifically the fun section to find some other great content)!

A Loan Officer died. When he met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he presented himself for admittance to Heaven.

Peter said, “Well, you did a lot of good helping people get homes and you also donated a lot to charity. You even worked with Habitat for Humanity. But you told too many “little lies” to the underwriters and were very rude and unkind to both your processor and office staff. Because we aren’t sure where you’re going to fit in best, we’ve decided to give you tours of both Heaven and Hell and let you decide where you feel most comfortable.”

In Heaven, the Loan Officer really liked the streets paved with gold and the big mansions, but he found all the harp music to be a bit irksome. When he toured Hell, he saw that everyone had their choice of playing tennis or golf, chilling by the pool smoking and drinking, or playing cards and dancing in the clubhouse. He said to St. Peter “This is a hard choice! Can I sleep on it?”

When they asked him the next morning, he begged, “Oh please send me to Hell!”

When they opened up the doors of Hell, it had completely changed! It was the stereotypical Hell of torture, fire and brimstone. It was so hot and horrible with people burning and screaming! Hey this is not what you showed me yesterday!!” the Loan Officer accused, tears and sweat pouring down his face.

St. Peter had a cold and abrupt reply: “I know. Pity you didn’t ‘lock it in’ yesterday.”

Differences Between Web Designers and Web Developers

admin — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 11:13:34 +0000

Here is an infographic of the differences between web designers and web developers.

Friendster Excavation – The Onion Video

admin — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 11:08:18 +0000

Researchers conducting the Friendster excavation say the site has been deserted since the year 2005 A.D.

13 Steps in the Software Development Cycle

admin — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 11:03:59 +0000

13 Steps in the Software Development Cycle

1. Programmer produces new software code supposedly bug-free.

2. Product is tested by non-programmer. 30 bugs are found.

3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and determines the the other 10 aren’t really bugs.

4. Non programer retests and finds that 7 of the fixes didn’t actually work and finds and additional 15 new bugs.

5. Programmer works on more fixes creating at least 100 new bugs in the process.

6. Due to mismanagement and bad planning the product is launched with over 100 bugs.

7. After launching the software users discovers and point out an addition 200 bugs.

8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.

9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the bugs, but introduces 300 new ones.

10. Everyone is fired

11. Company is bought

12. New programmer is instructed to recreate software as it is cheaper to rebuild rather than fix all the bugs.

13. Programmer produces new software code supposedly bug-free.

Three Blondes Make A Wish

admin — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 10:50:15 +0000

Three blondes found a magic genie’s lamp. They rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared.

“I will grant one wish, to each of you.”

The first blonde said, “I wish I were a lot smarter.”

Instantly her hair turned brown.

The second blonde said, “I wish I were even smarter than her.”

Instantly her hair turned silver.

Then third blonde made her wish, “I wish I were smarter than both of them!”

Instantly she became a man.